In the fast paced world of the information age, women are subjected to a constant barrage of visual imagery in advertising and entertainment. Included in this barrage are images of men. All kinds of men. Sexy men. Dorky men. There is always a message to go with each image. "This man is sexy." "This man is undesirable." Slowly but surely, women are brainwashed into thinking certain types of men are sexy while others are not. This is how sexy stereotyping begins.
These "sexy stereotypes" are hard coded into a woman's brain by the time she reaches 18 years old. She's taken in so many images from the media that there is no going back.
If you can tap into these stereotypes, it makes everything easier moving forward. You will get her phone number more easily. She will take your calls more readily. You will sleep with her faster.
Let me give you a few examples of sexy stereotyping from my own life. After you've read this book, chances are you will start to notice that sexy stereotyping is everywhere in your life as well, you just hadn't noticed it before.
Did you know that girls make funny little lists of what they're looking for in a guy? Yup, it's true. I talk pretty openly about my work as a dating guru with lots of different girls, and sometimes they give me some pretty interesting inside information.
A few weeks ago, I was talking to one of my girls and she was telling me her roommate wants a guy with 3 qualities:
1. Asian guy
2. Indie rock look
qualities approached her, he'd probably get a date with her very easily.
Somewhere along the line, she was exposed to the "indie rock" look in the media. The idea that indie rockers are sexy stuck with her long after the images were gone. If a man approached her right now and his look was roughly similar to the indie rock dream in her head, he would have instant attraction from her before he even said one single word.
Indie rockers "The Plain White T's." The elements of the look are: floppy hair, converse all stars, tight fitting clothes, stripes, and dark jeans.
Another girl was telling a story about how she used to go and hit on any guy that had "fluffs in the back." Translation: fashion mullet. At some time in her life, this girl was instructed to believe that a high fashion guy with a mullet is a total score. Maybe it was from the media, maybe it was from her friends, maybe she even met some sexy guy with a mullet. In any event, she now has a strongly held belief a guy with a fashion mullet is sexy, and there's nothing in the world that's going to change her mind.
A third girl I spoke to told me she immediately liked me because I had the same leather jacket as Uncle Jesse from an old sitcom called "Full House." In this case, we know the exact source of the the idea that "a guy in a black leather motorcycle jacket is sexy." As a young girl, she had a crush on John Stamos, the actor who played Uncle Jesse. Years have since gone by, and now she's a grown woman, but seeing that leather jacket still brings those feelings back.
What's going on here?
Do girls really choose guys based on weird criteria like having a fashion mullet or a John Stamos jacket?
The fact of the matter is that girls stereotype you in the first 2 seconds when you approach them. If she stereotypes you as a "sexy guy" the approach is going to go much better than if she stereotypes you as an average guy or a nice guy.
Sometimes, girls just light up automatically because you fit their idea of what a sexy guy is. Other times, you have to dig yourself out of a hole because she already thinks bad things about you before you say one word.
In our culture, the word "stereotyping" has a bad reputation. It's been vilified quite a bit in the media. We see it every day- people on TV who say "Stereotyping is WRONG! You should evaluate people based on the content of their character!"
While we all may agree with this in theory, we also know that this is the real world. In the dating world, attractive women are not going to give you a chance to show "the content of your character" unless you create powerful attraction in the first few seconds. If you look like a Trekkie, most women will write you off as a loser even if you have great inner strength or a brilliant opening line.
Beautiful women who get approached a lot have no choice but to immediately stereotype you based on your appearance, voice tone, and body language. It's just not practical to get to know lots and lots of guys. So they go with their "gut instinct." A lot of that "gut instinct" has to do with how she stereotypes you.
If you can figure out how to make women stereotype you as a sexy guy, amazing things start to happen. You may get sex on the first day, make out sessions in minutes, cock blockers seem to lighten up. All the other parts of your game seem to suddenly come together and you get RESULTS.
So how does one harness the power of sexy stereotyping?
Start by realizing that there are many stereotypes hard coded into the female brain that you can use to your advantage.
The funny part is that we all know these stereotypes already. You don't need me to explain it to you. You've always known because it's always been right in front of your face in the media.
Here's a few examples to jog your memory:
Rock star Thug/Rapper Artist Hipster
Wall-Street Guy in a Suit
Guy In Eyeliner
Even normal, conservative girls are attracted to guys that fit these sexy stereotypes. Chances are you already knew that women find those stereotypes sexy, but you've tuned the information out, saying to yourself "I could never look like those guys. It just wouldn't be 'me.'"
Have a look at a few pictures:
The Hip Hop Look The Rocker Look
Jim Jones wearing Nostic Apparel Japanese Rock Band Dir en Grey
The Mafia Look Pitbull doing The Latin Lover Look
Then there are other stereotypes that will turn off most women immediately, such as:
Trying Too Hard
Third World Immigrant
The first two obstacles most people fear when starting to develop a sexy stereotype are:
1. It takes you out of your comfort zone.
2. Friends and family might give you a hard time at.
It's true, if you change the way you present yourself, some narrow minded people will say, "What's up with you? YOU CHANGED, MAN! You look like a FREAK!"
You have to expect that a few people are going to try to pressure you into being a bland, average type of person. They are afraid that if you raise your level of coolness, you're going to stop hanging out with them. It's kinda like when you're alcoholic friends try to get you to drink your life away. These people are threatened by the fact that you are improving. They are afraid they will lose you as a friend if you get cooler.
Many people harbor a secret resentment towards anyone with high social value. It's a defense mechanism that allows them to continue their delusional ways. Is that the kind of person you want to have as a friend?
Get some balls and don't worry about that. Start experimenting with how you're presenting yourself.
Let's get a little more concrete here and talk about sexy stereotyping as it relates to your style of dress. Of course there are many ways to convey sexiness and tap into positive stereotyping, but how you dress is the easiest one. Why? Because you can take your time and plan it out. Then once you get it figured out you don't have to work on it again until it's time to update your style. Work on it for one month, and you're all set for the next year.
Body language and voice tone are much harder to improve, you have to think about them all the time for months until they become habit.
8 Steps to Sexy Stereotyping l.Stop worrying about what your friends and family think. Pay less attention to them and more attention to how women are perceiving you. Your friends and family will come around eventually.
2. Take an active interest in style and fashion. Study up. Take the time to educate your sensibilities.
One of the best places to do research on the topic is myspace.com. Myspace has a "featured fashion" section. You should check the "groups" section of myspace, which contains a list fashion savvy groups.
It's really not hard to find resources for fashion, but here's a few to get you started. Remember, I'm writing this book in summer, 2007, so these resources might not be current a year or 2 later. Here they are anyway.
http://news.myspace.com/style/fashion Fashion News http://www.myspace.com/fashionau High Fashion Pics http://thesartorialist.blogspot.com/ Street Fashion and commentary http://www.hel-looks.com/ European Street Fashion http://groups.myspace.com/ilove80 80s fashion http://groups.myspace.com/punkmyhair Punk haircuts http://men.style.com/fashion Men's Fashion News
My advice on finding sources is always to start with websites that are run by people who are genuinely excited about fashion, and are not just trying to sell you something. People who are selling clothes will often give poor fashion advice.
Research all kinds of looks. You're not going to attempt every look you see, but your goal should be to understand the cultural impact and relevance of every look out there. Even if you hate it, you should know why it succeeds or fails and who the target audience is.
3. Start to identify sexy stereotypes when you see them. If girls are flocking to a particular guy or group of guys, have a look at how they're presenting their identity. Pay attention to how they're expressing their identity through their clothing. Some of the best fashion role models come from real life observation.
4. Choose a sexy stereotype that feels natural to you. Choose something you're interested in. If you're an entrepreneur, do the wall street suit look. If you're a fan of hip hop music, do the hip hop look. You don't have to be a rapper or stock broker to dress as cool as one, you just need to be interested in the lifestyle that goes with the stereotype.
5. Find a person who has mastered the style and has a similar body type to yours.
This might take a while, but once you choose a stereotype, you should explore it until you find a person you can emulate.
6. Model your style after that person's look. That's right, I want you to look at what that person has on and get the same thing. You're not an expert in fashion yet. For now you should copy things that are proven to work. In a few months, you will start to understand why it works, and then you can start branching out.
You must model yourself after the best in order to get similar results. Never model mediocrity!
I know what you're saying, "But Brad, it's super lame to copy others. People will say I'm a copycat!"
We all have a certain amount of social conditioning telling that we should never copy anything. I'm telling you from experience that modeling is the fastest shortcut to sexy stereotyping. There's no need to reinvent the wheel. Don't make things harder than they need to be. Do it the easy way. Modeling a person who already has it figured out will give you a huge head start. You can customize the look later when you have your developed your fashion sense a bit more.
There is nothing new under the sun in fashion. It's all just new combinations of old ideas. So what makes a look unique?
Hint: It's not that the clothing is unique. Almost every piece of clothing out there has been mass produced.
What makes a look unique is the juxtaposition of the clothing with your body type, your identity, and your personality. If you want to get a great look that's unique, you don't do it by finding unique clothes. You do it by choosing a style that everyone already understands and letting your unique personality do the rest.
7. Test it out. Don't spend $1000 on 7 new outfits all at once. Get one or two outfits in the testing phase.
Try on a new stereotype and see what reactions you get. I'm talking about reactions from attractive women, not reactions from your Trekkie looking friends. If you're getting good reactions from hot chicks, you know you're onto something. If not, try something else.
8. Expand and refine. Enjoy the success. Watch how much easier it is to attract women when they categorize you as a sexy guy.
Don't be Too Confusing
Mixing looks is a bad idea in the beginning. Mixing two stereotypes is advanced. It will only work if you really know what you're doing. I see people fall into this trap all the time.
Sometimes the reason is just indecisiveness. You couldn't decide if you want to do the surfer look or the preppy look, so you mixed them. The result is that women are disinterested in your style because they could not quickly categorize it. Indecisiveness can hurt your ability to come up with an effective strategy. Be decisive.
The other reason people mix styles is in an attempt to be unique. They're trying to express the complex individualism that defines their existence.
But it's not that deep.
And girls just don't care.
You have to make a strong statement so they get it right away. Girls stereotype you in the first two seconds! They're not going to take the time to process the implications of postpunk indie rock when mixed with Abercrombie. Don't confuse their sense of stereotyping. If they don't understand what you're going for right away, you're gonna be right back to digging yourself out of a hole. And who wants that?
How Far Should You Take It?
This is an interesting question. Should you just add a few elements of a sexy stereotype, or should you go all out?
It's all relative to your location. If you live in NYC or LA, and you want to do the "Male Model" look, you'd better go all out or it's not gonna work. If you're in rural Montana, a little goes a long way. As long as you dress like a model more than any other guy she's seen this month, you probably will get a pretty warm response to your approach.
I've traveled all over the world meeting women, and I go all out with sexy stereotyping. "Going all out" will work everywhere, but it is not completely necessary in suburban and rural areas.
I'd advise you to overshoot your goal rather than undershoot it. Think big. If your gonna do this, do it right the first time. In the beginning you may feel weird. Feeling weird is a sign that you are forcing your personality to grow. Get yourself a big, bold style and let yourself grow into it.
If you feel like you may have gone too far, but you're getting good reactions from women, that means you're doing something right. Give your personality some time to grow into your new look. Don't panic and revert back to a being a the scared guy who looks just like everyone other nice guy out there.
If you feel like you've gone too far, and women are not responding well, then you should tone it down a bit.
It's important to be scientific as possible about this. The response you get from women you approach is the only objective feedback you're going to get. You can't completely trust your own instincts, they're probably just telling you to stay the same as you were before. You can't trust the opinions of family and friends. They really don't care if you get laid.
So be sure you do at least 10 approaches with each look you try out. That's the only way you're going to know if it's working or not.
You'd be amazed at the results you can get when girls are perceiving you as sexy instead of average. It changes the tone of the entire interaction. It changes the balance of power. It makes THEM chase YOU.
My students are sometimes amazed when I get makeouts in 30 seconds, or end up dragging some girl off to the bathroom in 10 minutes. They ask how I do it and sexy stereotyping is a big part of why I succeed in 10 minutes while other guys take 10 hours or even 10 days to get in a chick's pants.
Some have asked me why I'd just give away my secrets like this. What if every guy taps into the power of sexy stereotyping, then I wouldn't be so successful anymore. The fact of the matter is that VERY FEW of the people reading this right now will have the balls to develop themselves into a sexy guy. Are you one of the few guys who can make it happen, or will you file this away as just another piece of entertainment?
Can you leave your comfort zone? Do you have the courage to stand up to social pressure? That is my challenge to you.
If you can take my ideas and turn them into real world results, then you deserve every bit of success you get. There's plenty of ladies to go around, and I applaud everyone out there who's making it happen.
Do you feel like you really understand sexy stereotyping and how it creates attraction? Just to make sure you understand it, I want to discuss how men stereotype women into sexy categories and the results that follow.
Men often feel an automatic attraction response to women who fit sexy stereotypes. Female sexy stereotypes are:
Stripper Girl next door Fashion Model Bikini Babe Blond Bimbo Sexy Librarian Good Girl Slutty Porn Star Sexy nurse
Have you ever seen the movie Showgirls, or any other movie with strippers in it? Ever been to a strip club? Then you have been force fed the idea that clear high heels and bright red lipstick are a turn on. You know when you see these two things, you're about to see a naked woman. The association is so strong, that now it's a turn on to see a woman in clear high heels anywhere. You know she's a sexual woman because of her shoes. As soon as you see those shoes, you think there's a chance of sex or at least nakedness. So your body responds accordingly.
In some men, the association reaches extreme levels where there doesn't even need to be a woman within view to be aroused. They become aroused by the object itself.
Do you know that feeling where you see a certain type of girl and you automatically think of sex? Women have the same attraction mechanism.
Have you ever had a friend proudly proclaim that he was dating a stripper? Everyone suddenly respects and admires him, right? Even if the girl is as dumb as a stump, no one is going to disapprove. The same thing happens when women talk. They explain what sexy stereotype the guy is, often using a short nickname like "rapper boy" or "surfer boy." The other women in the conversation immediately understand why the guy is desirable, and the woman is given a free pass to do something slutty with him that would normally get her in trouble with her friends.
Attracting "Normal Girls" with Sexy Stereotyping
When first learning about sexy stereotyping, a lot of men say, "I want to attract normal girls. I don't want to attract some biker slut, rocker groupie, or surfer skank." The assumption is "like attracts like" and this is true in some cases. Girls in a similar stereotype will be attracted to you.
The part that's hard to understand at first is this: ALL girls are attracted to sexy stereotypes. All girls are not attracted to every stereotype. But every girl is attracted to at least one sexy stereotype in a powerful way.
Did you ever take a good look at what kinds of guys like strippers? Is it just men who wear very flamboyant clothes? Does the whole strip club look like they shopped at Steven Tyler's garage sale? No, of course not. All men like strippers. The majority of the men in a strip club look normal to conservative.
In women, sexy stereotypes are polarizing. You will get some strong positive reactions and a few strong negative reactions. Typically, a well developed sexy stereotype will turn on about 80% of women and turn off the other 20%. That goes for "normal girls" too.
Being polarizing is good because you will get an immediate strong reaction. The girl will love you or hate you right off the approach. The reason why this is good is because you don't need every girl to like you. It's more important to get strong attraction from some women then to get acceptance from all women.
You will get laid more and get more dates by getting strong reactions than by getting widespread acceptance.
Identifying sexy stereotypes can be difficult at first. You've got to look for the evidence. There are times when women have such a strong sexual response to a look that they drop all their inhibitions and coyness. Let's back up a bit to the picture of Jim Jones on myspace. If you look at the comments women are making, they are blatantly sexual. Here's a few quotes:
These women are begging for cock and flat out calling this guy "sexy." That's evidence that this is an effective look.
U 13 A SEXY ASS NIGGA ON THE REALIIM LUVIN THE PIC]
Comment perfectly ¡imperfect July 23. 2007 11:48 AN
__that 3rcl leg hangm poppa...gimnne gimme loi!
U 13 A SEXY ASS NIGGA ON THE REALIIM LUVIN THE PIC]
The "Top Artists" section of "Myspace Music" is the best cheat sheet available at the present time for sexy stereotyping. In a few years, there will be a new source, but use myspace as long as it remains cutting edge. Look for guys whose female fans are saying "I love you!" and "you're fucking sexy!"
Here's another one. Panic at the Disco has 34,000 comments on this one picture, and most of them are women saying "marry me, " "fuck me," or something along those lines.
You don't have to take it as far as these guys, but you should let pictures like this influence you as you develop your taste.
Then there are those who are getting a more watered down sexual response. They have women commenting on their music or giving normal compliments like "you are very good looking." That's not the look you want to model. Look for the guys that are inciting a hysterical, fanatical, extreme sexual response with their look.
Here's a picture of HelloGoodbye. They're getting a reaction, but it's not as extreme, so it's not worth modeling. This look is a bit too silly to be considered sexy.
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